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Well it has been a while since I have posted anything to my blog. Not what I planned at all. I thought I would be one of those people who always could find a bit of time and could update.
How wrong I have been.
But still I am now making the time as I feel it’s a good time to post.

One of the first few posts I made when my hubby found out about his Cancer and before he ever started treatment was that he had to donate/bank his wrigglers in case we ever wanted anymore children.
They said at the time it was pretty much guaranteed he wouldn’t recover due to the level of intensity of the chemo.

HOW WRONG THEY WERE!!
Yes that is correct if you have already guessed, I am expecting our second child and with no IVF intervention.

I must admit it came as a bit of a shock to both of us as we had thoroughly believed it wasn’t possible so hence not taken precaution.

FINDING OUT
I had actually been late the month before or so I believed. I couldn’t actually remember when my period was in the December so when it got to late Jan I was starting to be concerned that something was wrong and not that I was pregnant.
However my best friend convinced me that a miracle might have happened and that I should do a test. So I bought the cheapest one in Asda (actually a pack of two) and did the necessary. It was of course negative!
Not long later that day I found out the normal way :p If only I had waited.
None the less it also meant I knew the exact date in January. However, when it came to February and early March and I was feeling sick every day and feeling really tired, I never even connected the dots. I passed it off to the fact I had three trips with work, two of them week long intense courses with exams. But it got to the second course and I was thinking I need to get a doctor’s appointment something isn’t quite right. Though that weekend I started counting the weeks since January and low and behold I was 2 weeks late (potentially again though if what I thought in Dec/Jan was correct) because of that and I was feeling ill I dismissed it to there’s something wrong and I need to see the doctor. Though the Saturday morning for some reason I also thought, well I still have a second test from the packet I bought in Jan I might as well rule it out even though I know it will be negative.
Within seconds the little viewing area turned completely purple – exactly how it had done with my little girl. That then faded into the two distinct lines. My head and heart flipped. OMG!! It’s not meant to be possible.
I could hear my hubby in the bedroom getting out of bed and talking to our little girl who had come into our bedroom earlier.
From the bathroom I shouted the only thing I could think of which was “you know you said you didn’t want another?” And I then proceeded to walk into the bedroom.
His reply was yeah why? I then held up the little stick!
Our little girl asked what’s that and I casual dismissed her with its nothing.
Though instead of a large cheerful reaction from my hubby his real first response was “What if I get ill again??”
It was exactly what I thought he would say.

We had been told the “good cells” – sperm wouldn’t return. But we also knew the “bad cells” – bone cancer had a high rate of returning.
SO if he had recovered in the good way was there/is there a higher potential that the cancer would return also.
It’s a lot to deal with in your head in less than a few mins.
I wanted to be excited, but I was also nervous for him, I was also in shock that there was another small person on the way. Did I really want it to happen at this point in my life. I was planning on starting my Masters and it would mean more time off my job just at the point I was looking at changing.

I quickly reassured him though and said we have to take this as a positive. You are getting better and will continue to do so we can’t live our life on “What Ifs” or we will never do anything. At this point he was only a couple of months away from the big 2 year mark since end of his treatment. That’s HUGE with bone cancer. We had to keep looking forward and positively as we had always done.

One of the first things I asked the midwife when I eventually got to see one because of finishing all my work trips was will the baby be ok?
I know every mother thinks the same question but all I could think of was what if (yeah I know – not following my own rule of no what ifs) but what if the sperm was defective? If it wasn’t meant to return what if what had returned wasn’t at its full capability??
The first midwife I saw (a stand in as mine was on holiday) said she wasn’t aware of anything or studies to suggest it would be defective but would look into it.
When I did see my actual midwife a few weeks later she said for it to have done the job and fertilise the egg IT HAD to be healthy and of a high enough standard or it wouldn’t have been able to so was very unlikely it would cause any issues. If it had been the other way round however then there may have been. SO one worry ticked off.

TELLING THE NEWS
The next was when to tell people? Last time the family and work were told pretty early on as I was starting a new job and thought was courtesy to say before I started rather than wait a couple of weeks.
This time however hubby was insistent on waiting till we had had the first scan. This coincided with the Thursday before Easter. However two weeks before that we decided to tell his parents and my mum only. His parents were first as they were about to go on holiday and would have been away for the scan. My mum, however I let a couple of extra days as I have always told her big announcements in random locations. I.e. we were engaged – the foyer of Sainsburys at 8.30am in the morning before a cadet bag pack. Pregnant the first time in Laura Ashley, on a Friday evening.
It almost killed me on the Friday and Saturday as I saw her both days but at her house. That wasn’t good enough for such a big announcement and on the Sunday it was mother’s day and she was coming with us to Lakeside and Haverthwaite Railway for a “Day Out with Thomas the Tank Engine” – that was to be the random location. I just had to think of a reason to say.

It was nearly an hour into the day out when the opportunity arose to tell her. We were just about to go get some lunch and my mum saw a poster on the wall advertising another special event- it was something to do with witches and Halloween and was on from 28th Oct- 1st Nov (or something like that) my rough due date the midwife had given me was the 29th!
My mum said ooh that looks good… I looked at my hubby and replied back to my mum oh I think we might be a bit busy then. Now we never plan ahead especially that far so my mum obviously asked why? By this time hubby had realised what I was going to say so had steered our little girl away and nearly into the café – we had decided to not tell her just yet as we knew she would tell the world which would ruin keeping it secret until the scan.
My mum asked again why couldn’t we go and I replied oh I might be giving birth about then.
She burst into tears!  Exactly what I thought she would do. Over the moon probably didn’t come close. Having to then keep it secret for two weeks nearly killed her 

The next key person to tell was our little girl after all this affected her as much as us. We chose the night before the scan, which we were going to take her with us to. It was likely she would tell everyone she saw but that only meant nursery on the Thursday and then I was going to tell the family three days later at my mums on the Easter Sunday as they would all be there.
The night we told her also coincided with finding out which school she would be going to in the September. So two big bits of news in one evening. The council website was totally jammed so we told her about the baby first. We happened to be in our bedroom and we were sat on the edge of the bed and she was standing in front of us dancing.
For months she had been saying she wanted a baby brother AND sister and a cat (these were also on the Xmas wish list) and we had told her we weren’t having any and no to the cat as we have a dog.
We were expecting a big reaction….. What we got was “Oh” and she walked off to play in her room. Total anti-climax.
Finding out about her school a couple hours later was totally the opposite, that produced 20mins of hysterical tears even though she had got the school she wanted she had found out two days previous that one of her better friends at nursery was likely to be going to what was our second choice. It was the worst 20mins of my life I had/have never seen her so upset. I actually questioned myself and what was really ultimately my choice of school. I liked both the first and second choice had I put them in the wrong order? Had I just ruined my daughter’s life? Stupid to think that I know all over the fact one nursery friend was going to a different school which I didn’t know when the choices were made. I didn’t half feel bad though.
Thank heavens for baby distraction and the scan the following morning before she went to nursery when all her friends would be announcing where they were going.
Though it was the other way round for me, hoping some of her other friends had got into the same school as her actually meant I didn’t worry so much about the scan.

She sat on daddy’s lap while the sonographer did her stuff. The poor woman hardly had time to think though as she was bombarded with questions and not from me. What does that do and why are you squirting that on mummy’s tummy?
Before we had even got to the hospital we had had a myriad of questions – how will they see the baby? Will they open up your skin? Luckily she understands all about x-rays cos of hubbys every 3 months and also one she had. So it was explained a bit like that with a machine that can see through the skin.
Can I be there when baby arrives – this was answered with a swift NO from both me and hubby.
The sonographer was lovely and just about managed to keep up with the questions fired at her.
Hubby and I though, we were in awe. Although we had been through this before with our daughter the advances made in 4 years were fab. The picture was clearer than the 20week scan we had with her. Our daughter had looked like a little bean shooting all across the screen. This one was just lying there so clearly defined with its right arm up. SO much so it looked as if it was waving. I told this to our daughter and said hey baby is waving to its big sister. She was so impressed with this and actually waved back and said hello baby.

At nursery though the first thing they asked her was about her school and they put her name on the board, I then however reminded her that she had other news to tell to which she said she was getting a Baby Brother (or sister I added). By the time I collected her in the afternoon I was surrounded by all the children asking if I was having a baby and that it was going to be a baby sister (change from brother).
From that day everything changed for our daughter and everything revolved about being a Big Sister. She was stronger cos she was a big sister. She could eat all her tea cos she was a big sister. One happy and excited little girl that’s for sure.

I was a little bit cruel announcing it to my family, I managed to get all of them gathered in my mums lounge just after we arrived and proceeded to tell them that we had recently found out that hubbys treatment hadn’t been as intense as we had thought. I could see their faces start to fall. I then said and our daughter had something to say too. But she went all shy and asked me to tell them. So I proceeded to say well she is going to be a Big Sister…
It took a couple of seconds for them to realise what I had said and that the announcement wasn’t bad news but very good news, to which it was met with cheers and tears and lots of hugs and congrats for both me and hubby.
Then because it wouldn’t be my family without some, lots of joking about our mum having to extend her conservatory again to fit us all in.

I waited until the Easter Monday to place the announcement on my Facebook page along with a scan picture placed on the Oven, along with the caption, we decided to do some baking but it’s going to take a few months to cook.
I don’t think I have ever received so many comments and likes before about anything.
All our friends knew what we had been through with hubbys illness and also many knew that or thought like us we couldn’t have any without IVF so it was a little miracle baby in the making.

2 YEARS AND COUNTING
However, the first week of July hubby had his big 2 year mark appointment. At which the Dr said he was pleased with the progress and that he could start increasing the time between checks from 3 months to 4 months. Hubby immediately said will that clash with when you’re due. 4 months is 1st week of November so if I’m late like I was with our daughter it was a most definite yes it clashes. The Dr said “Due”?
I just pointed at my belly which was pretty clear and I was sat directly opposite him – how he hadn’t noticed I am not quite sure. He said oh congratulations; well in that case for this time we can make it 5 months and see you early December.
Naturally I then questioned and said should we take this as a good sign to his recovery? We weren’t expecting it. He said yes and also that they tend to advise that sometimes men don’t recover though in most circumstances they do……………………………………………..

WHAT!!! That is NOT what you told us 3 years ago! Hubby and I both looked at each other and he was obviously thinking the same thing but neither of us actually said it out loud.

Baby is cooking nicely and we have had the second scan which said all was good so it’s all a matter of waiting till the end of October (25th to be precise) and possibly up to a couple of weeks after now. It’s just me that has to hold together for the next few weeks as I have developed PGP/SPD early on this time round. But that’s for another blog.